So, I guess I'll be the first to respond to Sydra's essay. If I seem overeager, it's because I am. Also I have to spend a couple hours every day in the office feigning productivity, so this is a good outlet.
I really liked reading an urban essay, especially one that takes on the sharper, less aesthetic side of PDX and not just the hippie-bourgeoisie side of the city. Some suggestions:
- Tighten up the details within each vignette; there were a few times I was confused about who was doing/saying what and why.
-I want to know what will draw someone who has never known you or Portland into this essay. I like the sense of unease you have created and the way you have a skeptical eye towards what's going on around you. Like, is that guy selling drugs or trinkets? And are those police really giving shit to the black people or is everyone being overly sensitive? What really are you trying to say through this tension, other than that there is tension?
Some fave parts:
-"dual voyeurism"
-"I sit up on my bicycle and light my rollie cruising effortlessly through the side streets towards home."
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Hey Jenny,
Thanks for your timely response to my essay. Your critique is great, certainly helpful. It's so easy to forget that the reader isn't inside your head...I forget it almost every time I write.
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